lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
