woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
