we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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