The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
