Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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