our cab driver is having phone sex.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
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You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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