She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
