And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
