fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
