shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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