it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just had sex bonerless
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
