We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
