pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Little spoons don't ask big questions
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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