his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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