had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
