mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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