Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
