i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
