How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
