Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
