you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
