I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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