i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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