My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I am naked and annoyed.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
