I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
