How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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