hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
