Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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