Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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