I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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