You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
