it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
