He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
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Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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