so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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