Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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