How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
