Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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