I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Blood and glitter go together right?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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