So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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