HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
