Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
