I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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