I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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