she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
