we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
