Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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