i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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