Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
