So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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