ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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