She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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