Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
