I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
