I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
