I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
