Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
