me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
