don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
