Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
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