angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
