He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
