Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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