So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
