So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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