jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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