This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
"it" just moved
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
