this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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