Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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