I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
