Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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