ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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