Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
