just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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