We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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