yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
