if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
