no, he came in my armpit
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
