I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
