last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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