She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
sarcasm needs its own font
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
