I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
